


Does This Tailored Suit Have Wings?

by infiniteandsmall



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-26 05:43:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniteandsmall/pseuds/infiniteandsmall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s the hero of Sburb.<br/>The cashiers at the 7/11 down the road look at him funny when he walks in at three in the morning in his pajamas to buy a slushie.<br/>He's got a knife under his hoodie.</p><p>(A mysterious non-human from another galaxy makes Dave an offer. He's not sure why he doesn't refuse.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. point the clicker at the tube

**Author's Note:**

> oh wow I tried so hard to make these pesterlogs all nice and colorful but actually I didn't get far at all and so in the end is doesn't even matter.  
> *head is introduced to desk*  
> Title and chapter titles are all from "Super Rich Kids" by Frank Ocean ft. Earl Sweatshirt

He’s the hero of Sburb.  
The cashiers at the 7/11 down the road look at him funny when he walks in at three in the morning in his pajamas to buy a slushie.  
He's got a knife under his hoodie.

 

Dave hauls himself out of bed at ten, doesn’t bother to change. His bedroom’s cold and damp, and outside it’s dull grey and the snow’s all changing to slush. It’s too bright in spite of the fact that the sun’s completely covered by clouds, like when he’d seen Terezi’s eyes behind her sunglasses for the first time, when they’d burnt red and fiery as the Alternian sun must’ve been.

He jerks his shitty curtains down and picks up his shitty sword. He sets it down again, and finally sighs and fumbles in his sock drawer for his iShades.

 **TG: john**  
 **TG: sup**  
  
John’s not online. He feels like a gigantic popup should appear over his hot pocket spinning in the microwave right about now, flashing: THIS IS STUPID. Rose is online, but he’s not in the mood, as fucking much of an asshole that probably makes him. Besides, she’s probably cybering with Kanaya.  
He’s pessimistic as fuck right now, but he still feels horrible about the thought that flits through his head: how long’s this little flushed thing gonna last, anyways, with Kanaya off wherever she is. Who knows if she’ll ever find a way to visit. Who knows when he’s gonna see KK and TZ and the Mayor the rest of them. Hell, he would even like a visit from the shitty juggalo right now.

**TG: fine**  
 **TG: do life stuff**  
 **TG: do life stuff like its a hot blond and its getting all up in your space**  
 **TG: wanting a piece of egbert all for themselves**  
 **TG: and none for me bye**  
 **TG: what the hell am i even talking about**  
 **TG: i havent had my morning coffee yet**  
 **TG: oh shit i officially said the thing**  
 **TG: i sound like a goddamn pta mom**  
 **TG: the most hardcore pta mom ever**  
 **TG: crappy blowout and sensible tennis shoes and minivan and everything**  
 **TG: yeah not like i got anything to say**  
 **TG: just sayin hey mornin to my best bro**  
 **TG: who the fuck am i kidding pester me back as soon as you can**  
 **TG: and no this is not a confession of love dont get your lacy little panties in a twist**  
 **TG: panties**  
 **TG: haha what a shitty word**

The ding of the microwave is so loud it makes Dave wince. All the cheese has bubbled out of the hot pocket and sits, slightly crunchy and burnt brownish, on the plate.  
“Fuck everything,” he mutters, and absconds back to the bedroom.  
  
Jade hasn’t been online in two days. Since they got back, she takes long hikes to the farthest corners of her island and camps out for a few days, presumably with her fucking devil dog. Dave’s not sure if she even brings her computer, but it’s not the same without her.  
Sometimes he wonders, if, high on her volcano, she could contact the trolls any time she wanted to.  
He only can on clear nights, when the stars press close to the muggy heat skimming over the roof of the apartment building. He misses the beat of Karkat’s fists and the glint off of Terezi’s sharp little teeth and the Mayor’s beady dark eyes like tiny marbles.  
How Rose manages her and Kanaya’s daily chat, he doesn’t know. Maybe magic, even though that’d always seemed like bullshit to him.  
He’s absently picking at the burnt cheese on his plate and scrolling through some gloriously shitty video game blog (comic sans headers) when his iShades vibrate against the bridge of his nose.

\-- absentConqueror [AC] began questioning turntechGodhead **[TG]** \--  
AC: Hello, David.  
 **TG: what is is now**  
 **TG: i already told you to back the fuck off and give me some time**  
AC: As much as Ii would like to let you have all the time in the world to ponder how this decision might affect your completely pointless life  
AC: Ii am already behind schedule, and furthermore  
AC: Ii will be passing you soon  
AC: Ii can't stop and wait for you  
AC: And Ii certainly wouldn't stop even if Ii could  
AC: There are other heros, or would-be heros, out there  
 **TG: look**  
 **TG: you cant just go**  
 **TG: hey there dude you have like two days to decide on this very important shit**  
 **TG: and then hover over me like the most fucking quality hovercraft ever**  
 **TG: made from scratch by japanese robots with love**  
 **TG: custom disigned complete with big sparkly anime eyes**  
AC: Kindly SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY  
AC: Ii don't have time for this nonsense  
AC: And if you don't have anything of importance to say DON'T SAY A FUCKING THING  
 **TG: i was on a roll but whatever**  
AC: We'll slow down as much as possible  
AC: That will give us about two days, Dave  
AC: Two. Days. Do you understand?  
 **TG: yeah jegus christ on a fucking popsicle stick calm the fuck down**  
\-- absentConqueror [AG] ceased questioning turntechGodhead **[TG]** \--  
 **TG: love you too babe**  
  
It’s almost seven and John still hasn’t gotten online.  
“Yearning after that chump,” Dave mutters to himself. “Longing for him like it’s a pair of sparkly uggs and they’re going out of style. Pining like pine trees are going fucking extinct.” The irony kind of falls flat on its face when there’s no one to hear it. When he’s muttering to himself in the empty apartment all attempts at irony practically trip on their own feet and fall head over ass down a few flights of stairs. And alas, he’s tried to warn them, but it just kept happening.  
Outside, the sun’s setting, red and gold and orange. LOHAC, and Terezi’s shades, and the swish of his cape behind him, and his Bro’s eyes. Something soft and itchy opens in his chest, the need to make this last, to remember. He grabs his camera out from under a pile of clothes and heads for the roof.

The lady in the penthouse apartment is a classic dirty old hippy. Onion skin tie dye and hemp rope and a terrace full of flowers. Dave always teases Jade that that’s what she’s going to grow up to be, plus a devil dog and a computer.  
She doesn’t tease him about anything back. They don’t have to repopulate the world. He’s not Davesprite.  
He still is pretty sure he knows how it would feel to make out with someone while drunk and forget about it the next morning, even though when most kids were doing that he was fighting imps and standing on a meteor and saving the world.  
  
Another reason that the lady in the penthouse apartment is like Jade: she doesn’t take his bullshit.  
She’s convinced that Dave is a good kid, Dave has no fucking idea why. He’s given up on even trying to be an asshole and calls her “ma’am,” even when she insists he call her Fern. She’s always giving him potted plants that wither and die within a few weeks because he’s too lazy to water them. He occasional feels sorry for them and toys with the idea of sending them to Jade. He’s pretty much too lazy to do that either.  
Tonight there’s enough of a breeze that Dave’s glad he brought a hoodie, but Fern’s front door and skylight are still open.  
He doesn’t see her, but a few of her plants are sitting on the roof, soaking in the last rays of light that reflect pink in the windows of the apartments buildings all around him. He crouches next to one, runs his fingertip over one of its flat thick leaves. It’s soft as human skin, and there are small sharp fuzzy hairs on the underside of it. It catches the same pink in the windows, and Dave thinks about snapping a picture, but then a pesterchum alert flashes up and.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]--

EB: hey dave!  
EB: sorry it took so long to get back to you!  
EB: i was thinking about  
EB: well, stuff  
EB: and i'm pretty sure whoever it was made you the same offer??  
EB: right???  
EB: um, if this made no sense just forget about it  
EB: like wipe your brain like some really dirty table  
EB: cause the kids just had lunch  
EB: just your ole pal egbert rambling a little telling some stories of his younger years or something  
EG: heheh  
 **TG: yeah bro**  
 **TG: thats fine**  
 **TG: aokay and peachy as your grandmas pie and shit**  
 **TG: um**  
 **TG: yeah**  
 **TG: what did you say**  
 **TG: not in general like to them**  
EB: well, i thought about it for a little bit  
EB: and then i realized, what the fuck, if i had sburb 2 in my hands right now  
EB: i would crack it into a million tiny pieces  
EB: and throw it out the window  
EB: and let it get carried away by some crow cause it's so shiny and i'd never see it again  
EB: it would be some dumb bird's problem  
EB: only hopefully they wouldn't have any problems because it was broken and i really wouldn't want to start to crowpocalypse  
 **TG: thats what i thought**  
EB: what do you mean  
EB: you thought that's what i'd do?  
 **TG: well yeah**  
 **TG: but also what id do too**  
 **TG: but now i keep thinking i should say yes?**  
 **TG: which is super fucked up like**  
 **TG: fucked up with a cape and a skin tight latex suit and abs of steel**  
 **TG: shimmyin into that suit in a phone booth**  
 **TG: so fucking super**  
 **TG: the superest of fucked-upness**  
EB: i'm not going to lie dave  
EB: if you said yes that would be insane  
EB: in like a really bad way  
EB: like i don't want to be mr. bossypants cause i already know what it's like  
 **TG: to have certain broads and farmstinks all up in your business**  
EB: yeah pretty much  
EB: but like  
EB: dave tell me to shut up if i'm being a really tremendous asshole  
EB: but why would you say yes? you already did sburb and you we won  
EB: we all won  
EB: you've been all heroic and stuff  
EB: you know?? now you can just settle down and  
EB: i don't know  
EB: have a couple of beautiful salamander daughters and stuffff  
 **TG: youre the one with the salamander daughters bro**  
 **TG: i mean you were pretty clear that you want a better life for casey**  
 **TG: involving none of lalondes gothy broad witchcraft and assorted majiks**  
 **TG: i know that your dads suggestions of building her a doghouse were greeted with absolute horror**  
 **TG: but what im sayin is**  
 **TG: ok i was some big hero or whatever in sburb**  
 **TG: now im just some dude with weird red eyes**  
 **TG: and ill be some weird old dude givin kids shitty cookies and tellin them crazy stories and their doting moms will be all**  
 **TG: now be nice to mr strider and let him think what he wants cause hes gone feeble in his old age there are no such things as unicorns kids no matter what he tells you**  
 **TG: and okay its kind of nice not to worry about like**  
 **TG: breakin the world like your grammies fine-ass china**  
 **TG: but**  
 **TG: i miss it**  
 **TG: being a hero**  
EB: i miss it too!  
EB: it was fun being someone really important and having windy powers and saving the world  
EB: but eventually i just missed not having to worry that my best friends and my dad were getting hurt or killed or something whenever i wasn't with them  
EB: and sometimes when i was  
EB: i don't know  
EB: i'm kind of having fun going undercover and pretending to be more of a regular guy now, i guess  
EB: and like  
EB: some people probably think i'm pretty dumb  
EB: but that's okay cause i have people  
EB: and trolls too, hahaha  
EB: who still want to hang out with me even when i am being dumb  
EB: it's not like i go around telling people that i saved the world with my best bro  
EB: i'm pretty sure most people would just laugh at my anyways  
EB: i mean i am super cool but i'm not that cool, right?!  
EB: like so what if people are judging you  
EB: you've done super cool stuff  
EB: fuck them  
 **TG: thats not the point**  
EB: what is point then  
 **TG: i dont even know ok**  
 **TG: but i dont think youre getting it**  
 **TG: and besides**  
 **TG: this dude or chick or whatever**  
 **TG: wants someone to help them out**  
 **TG: and we couldntve done it with out the trolls**  
 **TG: like one of us should help her out right?**  
EB: no!  
EB: that's stupid!  
EB: she can find other people  
EB: and you know it1  
 **TG: no i dont**  
EB: now you're just being a pain  
EB: you just want to be the big ole hero again  
EB: bluh bluh  
EB: but cmon dave!  
EB: you can't be a hero forever  
EB: and there stuff to do here!  
 **TG: so what if i want to be a ~hero~ again**  
 **TG: theres literally nothin fucking wrong with that**  
EB: i never said there was  
 **TG: well excuse me for thinking thats what you meant**  
EB: don't get all huffy dave!  
 **TG: im not getting huffy**  
 **TG: you gotta clarify your statements then**  
 **TG: im your professor and i aint takin not halfassed pansy sentences ok**  
 **TG: want you fucking research son**  
 **TG: haul out them big fucking encyclopedias**  
 **TG: haul them right out of the ninties where theyre positively fucking languishing**  
EB: daaave  
 **TG: what**  
EB: stop itttt  
EB: you're avoiding the subject  
 **TG: what do you want me to say**  
 **TG: i mean you say you arent gonna tell me what to do**  
 **TG: so dont act pissy when u might do something you dont want me to do**  
EB: i'm not even being pissy  
EB: you're all angsty dude  
 **TG: im not angsty**  
 **TG: its just that**  
 **TG: after all that im not really ready to sit around for the rest of my life and do bullshit**  
 **TG: like its great that you dont care**  
 **TG: or that people like you or you have a life or dreams and stuff**  
 **TG: congrats bro throwin the confetti**  
 **TG: but**  
 **TG: you know what**  
 **TG: actually listen its getting really fucking dark out here so can we talk about this tomorrow**  
 **TG: i need to start makin my way downtown or i will be tumbling straight down all those stairs like a pudgy little kid on their way back home from the carnival carryin the biggest stuffed bear ever**  
EB: yeah sure of course  
EB: never let it be said that i never  
EB: warned you about the stairs  
 **TG: nice one**  
EB: thanks!  
EB: anyways  
EB: i didn't mean to snap at you if that's what it sounded like  
EB: i'm sorry if i was acting like a totally asshole  
EB: it's just that the whole idea seems really weird  
EB: to go into sburb 2 actually knowing what is it  
EB: and what could happen and what it is  
EB: and she or he or they don't seem super  
EB: well  
EB: stable???  
 **TG: its fine bro**  
 **TG: i get it**  
 **TG: like i kinda dont know why im even considering it**  
 **TG: am i that fucked up**  
 **TG: but then look who im related to**  
EB: rose would probably say that there was like  
 **TG: cognitive dissonance**  
EB: yeah! or something fancy like that!  
EB: like i love rose and all but i can't understand half the stuff she says :/  
 **TG: dont worry man its just like**  
 **TG: a strider-lalonde trait (coughroxy)(coughbrodirk)**  
EB: haha you still called him brodirk??? hahaha man that's so awkwaaaard  
 **TG: i dont know hes just never around**  
 **TG: always building his robots or whatever he does**  
 **TG: i would say out picking up dudes but for someone whos like nineteen**  
 **TG: he is the most boring dude ive ever met**  
 **TG: maybe hes still pining after jades grandpa oh my god**  
EB: ewwwww hes like nineteen now too though  
EB: you don't have to call him jade's grandpa  
EB: and you don't have a problem calling roxy roxy  
 **TG: could you call roxy mrs lalonde**  
EB: well no  
 **TG: yeah**  
 **TG: thought so**  
 **TG: goodnight sleep tight dont let the bedbugs bite**  
 **TG: cause youll be all snuggled up good and tight in your bed**  
 **TG: with your dumb ghostbusters sheets**  
 **TG: and those bedbugs will be like**  
 **TG: oh hell fucking yes**  
 **TG: you gotta be like oh hell fucking no**  
EB: yeah i will save it all for you  <3  
 **TG: thats more like it**  
 **TG: <3 you too bro and shit**  
 **TG: and seriously i promise we can discuss this all deep tomorrow**  
 **TG: discuss it to your hearts content**  
 **TG: lets hook pinkies right now and swear it shall be so**  
EB: okay! hooking pinkies as we speak!  
EB: i'll talk to you tomorrow then  
EB: bye dave! sleep all nice and cozy  
 **TG: bye**

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead **[TG]** \--  
  
Dave looks around. Dark's fallen fully already. The space in between the apartment buildings glows, just beneath him, rivers of light and cars and people, but up here it's dark except for the faint square of light from Fern’s closed skylight.  
As he sits up and prepares to head down the stairs, he notices a potted plant sitting by the rim of the skylight.  
“You lost, little plant?” he says, kneeling to see which one it is.  
It’s the cactus. Taped to it is a note:  
DEAR DAVE,  
THIS IS FOR YOU. WATER ONLY OCCASIONALLY. NEEDS DIRECT SUNLIGHT EVERY DAY. NOT THROUGH A WINDOW.  
FERN  
Dave crumbles the note up and stick it in his pocket, then grabs the plant and half-stomps down the stairs, being careful not to stomp so hard he slips. There is a fine line between ironically imitating and fourteen year old girl whose parents won’t let her go to the mall and pulling a Karkat by stomping hard enough to miss a step.  
 **TG: and now i have to be responsible for this cactus**  
TT: Go home, Dave.  
TT: You're drunk.  
 **TG: look whos talking**  
TT: That was a low blow.  
TT: I was merely attempting to point out through a shared language of memes that you typically don't message me out of the blue about cacti.  
 **TG: i didnt ask for this cactus though now ive gotta**  
 **TG: take it on fucking walks every day**  
 **TG: oh look**  
 **TG: there goes davey strider**  
 **TG: with his darling pet cactus on a leash**  
 **TG: what a nice young man**  
 **TG: i should remember to buy some treats for his cactus**  
 **TG: so well trained**  
TT: I'm pretty sure that you're all worked up over something much less petty than a cactus  
TT: She asked you, too, didn't she?  
 **TG: hey hey hey**  
 **TG: youre the one whos always all**  
 **TG: dont go assuming peoples gender or whatever**  
 **TG: ask them theyre preferred pronouns**  
 **TG: they could be a dude**  
 **TG: or someone else or somethin**  
TT: Well, typically one should ask preferred pronouns  
TT: However, she told me she identifies as a girl, in so many words, and I presume that she was assigned to that gender at birth.  
TT: She doesn't seem like the type who would take the time to question her gender identity  
 **TG: she didnt tell me any of that**  
TT: I think it was to appeal to my sense of sisterhood  
TT: Something like, "ah, yes, we're all girls here doing girl things saving the world."  
 **TG: girls doing girl things**  
 **TG: sure**  
TT: Shut up.  
 **TG: no believe me im not tryin to heckle you about your sex life or whatever**  
 **TG: please keep that shit far away from me i already saw enough of it on the meteor**  
 **TG: just sayin**  
 **TG: it sounded a little sketchy**  
 **TG: dashin off a quick drawing before the bird flies away**  
 **TG: aw shit no paper gotta draw on a napkin**  
 **TG: get them lines down oh yeah**  
 **TG: gotta get the ~shape~**  
TT: Dave. You never really answered my question.  
TT: I'm assuming she asked you.  
TT: I'm also assuming your answer was no,  
TT: Though I acknowledge the possibility that I might be incorrect  
 **TG: well thanks youre so kind**  
 **TG: i didnt answer no**  
 **TG: i didnt answer anything yet**  
TT: Well. I suppose you've talked to John about it.  
 **TG: yeah**  
 **TG: dont know why everyone always thinks i go to egbert first but whatever**  
TT: It's because you always do  
 **TG: yeah yeah yeah enter your finding in your goff wizaard science fair**  
 **TG: anyways he said if he got his hands on sburb 2 hed break it**  
 **TG: or maybe i said that**  
 **TG: i don't know**  
TT: Why are you still considering it if you think it likely that you'd break it if it was ever delivered into you hands?  
 **TG: because i dont know if i actually would ok**  
 **TG: i dont know will everyone leave me alone for a few minutes**  
 **TG: ive got certain broads shoving their horseshit in me face**  
 **TG: like sweet cherry popsicle jegus im just trying to drink some apple juice over here**  
TT: Are you sure that's apple juice you're drinking?  
 **TG: oh look at the pot calling the kettle black**  
 **TG: youre like the broadest fucking pot in the cabinet**  
 **TG: genuine maple if you were wondering**  
 **TG: all sooted up from a good hard turn over the stove or whatever**  
 **TG: walking up to the kettle**  
 **TG: which has been scrubbed like fucking immaculately by the by**  
 **TG: and going in the snottiest of broad voices**  
 **TG: as snooty as a toddler with the flu**  
 **TG: you are looking downright grimy today my dead**  
 **TG: i suggest getting yourself to the sink immediately**  
 **TG: wouldnt do to be looking sloppy**  
 **TG: and classless**  
 **TG: snotty broad wink**  
 **TG: completely failing to notice**  
 **TG: that they are themselves**  
 **TG: downright grody**  
 **TG: like a hundred times more down right shamelessly soiled and sooty**  
 **TG: in fact downright black**  
 **TG: then this very fucking cool kettle**  
 **TG: do you catch my drift**  
TT: Less "caught" and more "knocked over by its noxious wave," but yes.  
TT: I have indeed caught your drift  
TT: Also, Kanaya wanted me to tell you that they'll be within pestering distance tomorrow if the weather keeps up nicely  
 **TG: the last thing i need right now is kk sending me fucking blocks of grey text**  
 **TG: like a fangirl trying to format her wizard slash on livejournal for the first time**  
 **TG: i guess i can tolerate it though**  
 **TG: my cactus needs sun anyways**  
 **TG: and the adoration of all the old ladies down my street**  
TT: To keep them from getting too bored while they trim their rosebushes and touch up the paint on their white picket fences, I suppose  
 **TG: yeah pretty much**  
TT: Goodnight, Dave.  
TT: Don't say anything foolish, and don't be rash.  
TT: Being a hero isn't all it's chalked up to be  
 **TG: i thought it was pretty great but whatever**  
 **TG: night**  
  
\-- tentacleTherapist[TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead **[TG]** \--  
  
He flops onto his bed (landing on a dorito’s bag that crumples irritatingly loud underneath him) and pulls off his iShades. He pushes the cactus further back on his nightstand so it will be out of the way when he fumbles for the alarm the next morning. He stuffs his knife underneath his mattress.  
His chest feels tensed, as if he was holding a sword, but his hands are empty, his shitty nylon comforter scratchy underneath his palms.  
Chest too heavy to stand, he falls asleep without brushing his teeth or crawling under the covers or pulling off his hoodie.

He wakes up the next morning to a blast of early morning talk show and the sound of something hitting the ground.  
He fumbles for his knife, his iShades, and the snooze button, and only finds two of them.  
His iShades had vibrated onto the floor, where they attempt to dance through the shag of his rug. He reaches over and picks them up, and there’s message after message from John, a few from Rose. It’s nearly ten-thirty, and his head hurts and his neck hurts and he feels like kicking a chair (It’s not nearly as satisfying as he’d thought and now his foot hurts too).  
He limps out to his kitchen and digs another hot pocket out of the freezer, then starts messing around with the coffeemaker, and he feels like maybe he timetraveled back to yesterday. Same clothes same ache same cheese melting on the plate. His apartment feels too small and his cactus needs sun, and he decides to eat breakfast on the roof.  
It’s hotter than the bottom of the oldest shittiest Dell still existing up there, but the cactus doesn’t seem to mind. The edges of the leaves had curled up slightly overnight, but within a few minutes they’d extended and straightened.  
Rose’s are some sarcastic comments about his sleeping schedule and cactus-parenting abilities and a hello from Kanaya. The messages stop as soon as she realizes that he isn’t just “going to sleep” as in “stay up and surf the internet until everything in life seems pointless and slightly blurry.”  
John’s began at six in the morning and he’s still receiving more, rambling, in typical-John fashion, about pretty much every-fucking-thing with a strong focus on shitty eighties movies and power ballads.

\-- turntechGodhead **[TG]** began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]--

 **TG: dear gog dude**  
 **TG: you do realize that not everyone gets up at the asscrack of dawn**  
 **TG: by the fifteenth message discussing every sweet crevice of nic cages face and appendages**  
 **TG: did you even try**  
 **TG: oh shit im like pulling down my pants and motorboating my bonor for nic cage everywhere**  
 **TG: better stop oh shit where is all this spaghetti comin from**  
 **TG: why is all this spaghetti in my pockets**  
 **TG: oh shit slippin on all this spaghetti fuck man fallin down all these stairs**  
EB: dave!  
EB: hi man!  
 **TG: you didnt even metion that ive been talking about spaghetti comin out of your dick youre really trying to be smooth right**  
EB: nah. i'm used to it by now  
 **TG: so we have a lot of conversations about spaghetti coming out of your dick that im missing**  
EB: what? no!!  
 **TG: hahahaha dude**  
 **TG: its ok**  
 **TG: keep your pants on**  
EB: don't tell me what i'm supposed to do with my pants!  
EB: i am waving my pants in the air!  
EB: FREEDOM  
EB: haha yeeeaah  
 **TG: youre a doofus**  
 **TG: how are you even such a doofus tell me your secrets**  
 **TG: im throwin myself at your feet here longing for instructions on how to find**  
 **TG: my inner chump**  
 **TG: oops welp dave you dont have one youre too cool**  
 **TG: why thanks egbert you flatter me**  
EB: ...  
 **TG: what are you doing**  
 **TG: dont dot dot dot at me**  
 **TG: spit it out lets have this conversation right here right now ok**  
 **TG: just dont throw any punches while the children are watching**  
 **TG: and we cant let them be scarred by daddy and mommy fighting**  
 **TG: because we just aint got the money for a child psychologist**  
 **TG: because there is a child present**  
EB: what  
EB: who?  
 **TG: dude**  
 **TG: my cactus**  
EB: our child would obviously be casey  
EB: not your cactus  
 **TG: what**  
 **TG: is casey jealous of her little cacti sibling**  
 **TG: turns over her crib**  
 **TG: steals her crayons**  
 **TG: shes tearing this family apart jegus**  
 **TG: hey john**  
 **TG: you still there**  
 **TG: i wasnt insulting your salamander daughters honor or anything**  
 **TG: i would never insult dear sweet casey**  
 **TG: shes the fruit of my loins**  
 **TG: my lovely salamander daughter**  
 **TG: aint no abusive papa here**  
 **TG: john?**  
EB: i'm still here!  
EB: no, that's not it.  
EB: it's fine  
EB: casey knows you love her ;)  
 **TG: phew cant stand to disappoint the kids**  
 **TG: i remember back one year when daddy had no money**  
 **TG: mommy wrapped the christmas presents up**  
 **TG: and stuck em under the tree and said some of em were from me**  
 **TG: cause daddy couldnt buy em**  
 **TG: ill never forget that christmas**  
 **TG: i sat up the whole night cryin**  
 **TG: no wait thats eminem**  
 **TG: sorry kids**  
EB: see this is why i don't want you to go!  
 **TG: because im eminem wait what**  
EB: no! because you're my best friend and you're ridiculous and funny  
EB: and i know you aren't going to come back here  
EB: and you probably know it too!  
EB: you know how the game is!  
 **TG: ok maybe i dont come back to here specifically but im not staying anywhere that you and jade and rose arent**  
 **TG: you know that john**  
EB: that's not even what i mean  
EB: and you know it!!!  
EB: you're just trying to be annoying  
EB: and i don't get it  
EB: why is playing the game again so fucking important  
 **TG: dude im sixteen and weve saved the world**  
 **TG: i actually didnt fuck it up**  
 **TG: at least not too bad but whatever**  
 **TG: what the fuck am i supposed to do now**  
EB: play some shitty video games!  
EB: i don't know!  
EB: i was going to come to college in houston  
EB: we've talked about it before, cmon  
 **TG: are you kiddin dont come to texas its shitty**  
 **TG: and dude im not going to college**  
EB: why not daaaave??  
 **TG: dont daaaave me**  
 **TG: i dont know ok i just got dirkbro back and hes still getting settled in i dont just want to trot off to college now**  
 **TG: on my little pony feet**  
 **TG: or hooves or whatever theyre called**  
 **TG: while he calls after me**  
 **TG: come back rainbow dash**  
 **TG: grace me with your sweet pony eyes again**  
 **TG: and your ~sass~**  
 **TG: and plush pony dong**  
EB: daaaaaaaave  
 **TG: oh my god dont do the eight thing**  
 **TG: you do know we can talk to them tomorrow**  
EB: yeah  
EB: rose told me  
EB: but that's not even the point  
EB: you don't have to say no, i guess  
EB: i'm not going to tell you what to do!  
EB: i just wanted to say that i'd miss you so so so much  
 **TG: i would miss you too**  
 **TG: but if you say some bullshit about how im being selfish by not thinking of how rose and jade and you feel**  
 **TG: im just gonna tell you right now**  
 **TG: that thats bullshit**  
 **TG: and it aint working**  
EB: i wasn't going to do anything like that  
EB: i guess i just don't understand how you could go through sburb and want to do it again  
 **TG: not gonna lie i dont understand it either**  
 **TG: to be honest its kind of scaring me**  
 **TG: because i dont want to do it**  
 **TG: ive seen all of us die**  
 **TG: even you**  
 **TG: i mean i saw the sword sticking out of bro jegus christ**  
 **TG: but everythings so slow here**  
 **TG: its time**  
 **TG: its like its sticky**  
 **TG: and every days the same**  
 **TG: and its almost as terrifying as facing down an imp with a fucking shitty broken sword**  
 **TG: i cant do this john**  
 **TG: i need to say yes**  
 **TG: i need to know**  
 **TG: i dont even know what i need to know**  
 **TG: maybe after this time i can stop**  
EB: dave  
EB: i know what you're trying to say  
EB: but there's other stuff  
EB: stuff right here  
EB: stuff you can do!  
EB: that's it  
EB: i'm coming to visit as soon as i can get a ticket  
EB: please dave  
 **TG: im going on a walk**  
 **TG: ill talk to you later ok**  
EB: use your ishades  
EB: we need to talk about this shit dave  
 **TG: im walking without my ishades**

\-- turntechGodhead **[TG]** ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]--

EB: dave?!?  
EB: come on dude not cool!  
EB: you better get your skinny little butt over here right now!  
EB: dave, i'm really worried  
EB: please be careful  
EB: don't cross the street unless you look both ways?!!  
EB: just  
EB: dave  
  
Dave doesn’t really go back to his apartment to get a new pair of shades. He doesn’t even bother to take his cactus back, either, because his heart’s beating fast and painful and his eyes sting and he needs to get out. He just grabs the backpack he’d hauled the cactus up in that he’s pretty sure has a least ten bucks stuffed in some pocket and runs.  
He clatters down the fire escape, his legs aching by the time he reaches the bottom floor, not as easy as swooping down into the valleys and lava crevasses of LOHAC, cramps in his side and red rust smeared on his hands from the railings.  
There’s people everywhere, and Dave’s heart stutters in his chest, the too-rapid tickticktick of a clock being wound, and time explodes fast in a blur of sound.  
Hot thick air shoves its way down Dave’s throat and for a second he blinks at the oncoming rush of cars.  
He’s breathless, and then he’s determined to go the McDonalds and get french fries. He stalks down the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets, feeling like his ribs are being crunched by some kind of fucking STRONG hoofbeast that shoves the goddamn milk of regret and melancholy down the throats of people who only intended to go get delicious oxygenated-blood-pumper-clogging fried food.  
He’s on his way to the apartment again, John’s messages like the most sour of blue raspberry in the corner of his vision and backpack stuffed full of greasy fucking potatoes courtesy of the fucking creepiest clown in existence (bless you Ronald McDonald), when he hears Azealia Banks blaring from a car waiting at a red light.  
And Terezi’s in the car, the curve of her neck and her ridiculously pointed angular grin as she bobs her head and sharp-edged eyes, but her skin’s not grey, it’s dark brown, and there are no curved candy-corn horns poking out from her black hair. Dave knows it’s rude and creepy and Lalonde would lecture him so hard about the male gaze and all this other shit but it’s desperation, it’s the itch under his skin, it’s please please please remember remember how we won it all. He has no way to communicate it, and so he holds on hand over his head like a headphone and slides his other hand in the air like he’s working his turntables. It’s all he has to offer to Terezi, anyways, the coolkid who is only ever dorky ironically, and please please take it.  
Her Terezi-smile drops, replaced with another girl altogether, furrowing her brow, a little weirded out, who offers him a hesitant thumbs-up before pulling away.  
Dave’s left standing there staring stupidly into the street. He looks at the sidewalk again and longs exclusively for french fries.  
  
\-- absentConqueror [AC] began questioning turntechGodhead [TG]--

AC: Have you thought about it?  
AC: There's only one day left, Dave  
 **TG: ok i know jegus christ give me some time**  
 **TG: besides its really more like two days**  
 **TG: its like twelve in the afternoon ok**  
 **TG: and i dont even get started until eleven**  
AC: You're exaggerating.  
AC: It's nearly dusk on your earth.  
AC: Also Ii don't understand why you are incapable of spelling the name of the earth's Christian religions's savior correctly.  
 **TG: well see it started because terezi was talking to john**  
 **TG: actually she was trying to kill him but whatever**  
 **TG: and then you know what i am not actually explaining this old and shitty and frankly stupid meme to you**  
 **TG: i dont even know why i use it ok**  
 **TG: also its not nearly dusk**  
AC: Believe it or not, all the scientific evidence seems to point to the fact that, indeed, it is almost  
AC: your stupid dusk.  
 **TG: oh thank god you didnt say human dusk**  
 **TG: you were so close you wanted to do it so bad**  
 **TG: i know these things**  
 **TG: are you sure youre not a troll**  
 **TG: also nice lots of snarky broad horseshit just what i wanted for dinner thanks mom**  
AC: If Ii were a troll Ii would rip off my horns and cram them down my throat.  
AC: What a grubby, utilitarian, unimaginative race.  
AC: And of course, if Ii was a human like you, Dave, Ii would weep weak salty tears and then throw myself off a speeding meteor.  
AC: %Kl  
AC: Or to use a more human face, so as to be sure my expression is completely clear:  
AC: :)  
 **TG: oh my god dont even try using that smilie face thing oh my god its terrifying**  
 **TG: coming from you it is the smuppet of emoticons ok**  
AC: By that do you mean it is vaguely improfessional?  
AC: If so, Ii agree.  
AC: Henceforth Ii think Ii shall refrain from using it.  
 **TG: great**  
 **TG: ok nice chattin with you but i gotta go**  
AC: Are you going to answer me?  
 **TG: tomorrow**  
 **TG: dont worry ill decide in time**  
 **TG: i have to go**  
 **TG: do a thing**  
 **TG: an important thing**  
 **TG: this thing**  
 **TG: bye**

\-- turntechGodhead **[TG]** is now an idle chum--

AC: A thing?  
AC: This is a tremendous waste of time.

\-- absentConqueror [AC] is now an idle interrogator! --


	2. there's nothing like this type of view

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A giant banner hangs in the corner of his vision. It is of, as Kanaya says in the message she’s sent him, “Dubious Quality And Pixelization.” It’s kind of fucking amazing, and he can’t help grinning.  
> CG: OKAY EVERYONE STRAP ON THEIR LISTENING SOUND CHANNELING SKINFLAPS  
> CG: AND GATHER THE FUCK ‘ROUND OUR GODDAMN MERRY LITTLE CAMPFIRE  
> CG: DADDY KARKAT’S GOING TO HAVE SOME BONDING TIME WITH ALL OF YOU FUCKTHINKPANS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I got this update posted! I still cannot get the hang of pesterlogs so I will bold all the of Dave's messages. If it doesn't work for you, leave a comment and I'll try for colored pesterlogs next time.  
> Chapter title still from "Super Rich Kids."

It’s just as hot in the dark as it had been when the sharp Houston sun had been beating down. Maybe it’s hotter, blacktop still warm enough to burn from the sun above and below.

Nights like this, he feels impossibly close to all of them and impossibly far. It’s like they’re all out watching the same meteor shower, sitting on their roofs, texting each other about the strengths of their fucking telescopes and what kind of wine they were drinking and shit, but he can’t look through any of their fucking telescopes, not even Jade’s hundred percent genuine science telescope for scientific barnstinks, or drink their wine, or one of Lalonde’s fruity concoctions, and also some of them are in outer space.

For a second, though, he can look up at the stars, dim and faded, and imagine John doing the same thing on the sloped side of his black-shingled roof, just like the black-shingled roof across the street, or Rose in the observatory with the roof open, or Jade camped on the top of a volcano.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering turntechGodhead **[TG]** \--

EB: i’m so excited!

EB: rose says they’re going to be in range in a few minutes

EB: my dad bought ice cream for me

EB: he didn’t even make a cake!

**TG: dude your dads cakes rock**

**TG: his frosting is the best**

EB: well

EB: at least he doesn’t buy betty crocker anymore

EB: i’m sure the fumes from that batterwitches cake are poison

EB: but they’re still from boxes

EB: bluh

**TG: oh dear**

**TG: are they not 100% organic**

**TG: flour milled with egberts own lovin hands**

**TG: my goodness holy fucking shit i think im going to flip my shit**

**TG: please tell me there were no animal products involved**

**TG: if it comes to the worst and there was**

**TG: please say they were all cruelty free**

EB: 0% animal products dear sir

EB: i assure you

EB: of course i am telling you the 100% truth

EB: heheheh

**TG: that heheheh means nothing ominous im sure**

**TG: thank the dear sweet lord i can rest easy tonight**

**TG: in my snuggly little egbert bed with the ghostbusters sheets**

EB: my sheets are the best!!

EB: who even knew they made them in full sizes!

**TG: yeah yeah i know that was the highlight of your life**

**TG: hey i just got a message from karkat**

EB: oh yeah, me too!

**TG: oh my god its another memo**

EB: going where the party is see you there!!

**TG: yeah bye**

 

A giant banner hangs in the corner of his vision. It is of, as Kanaya says in the message she’s sent him, “Dubious Quality And Pixelization.” It’s kind of fucking amazing, and he can’t help grinning.

CG: OKAY EVERYONE STRAP ON THEIR LISTENING SOUND CHANNELING SKINFLAPS

CG: AND GATHER THE FUCK ‘ROUND OUR GODDAMN MERRY LITTLE CAMPFIRE

CG: DADDY KARKAT’S GOING TO HAVE SOME BONDING TIME WITH ALL OF YOU FUCKTHINKPANS

CG: CLICKON THIS ARTFUL FUCKING BANNER I’VE MADE IN THE INTERESTS OF FACILITATING A LITTLE FUCKING TOGETHER TIME

CG: AND HAUL YOUR FUCKING PASTY ALIEN ASSES OVER HERE SO I CAN PERFORM THE FASCINATING RITUAL OF THE “BROHUG”

CG: AS YOU CAN SEE THIS BANNER IS FUCKING ARTFUL AND DID I MENTION THAT

**TG: yeah dude i get it you made a sweet as shit fucking banner**

**TG: i like all the little unicorns with the hats in the corner thats the fucking shit nice one a+ finishing touch gonna go hang it on my fridge**

CG: YEAH THANKS YOU ASSBUTT

CG: AND THAT WAS A GROUP MESSAGE I WAS SENDING TO ALL YOU HUMANS

CG: I NEED TO TALK TO YOU

**TG: dude you are**

CG: PRIVATELY

**TG: dont even start with that**

CG: BLAHBLAHBLUH

CG: GO CRY TO YOUR POINTY ORANGE LUPUS

CG: SEE YOU AT THE MEMO

CG: AND THEN YOU

CG: ME

CG: HORN PILE FEELINGS JAM AFTERWARD OR I WILL PERSONALLY GO ALL MURDEROUS JUGGLEFUCK ON YOUR ASS AND PUNCH YOU RIGHT IN YOUR STUPID POUTY LIPS FOR OBSTRUCTING JUSTICE AND BEING A GIANT SHITFUCK

**TG: ok i guess ill be there then??**

CG: GOOD

 

A burst of rainbow chaos explodes in front of his face as he opens the memo. Even Karkat’s future self is there, and the fact that Karkat had been talking to Dave is probably the only reason the screen isn’t covered in grey text walls of capslock self-loathing.

Terezi and Vriska are having an argument that Dave’s pretty sure is dancing on the line of hate-flirting, if not blowing it away with large numbers of explosives while cackling and dancing on its ashes.

Kanaya and Rose are whispering sweet nothings in tiny tiny text that Dave’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to copy-paste into MS word and see. He can practically smell grass clippings, blooming rosebushes, flighty broad perfume, and disgusting levels of domesticity somehow achieved despite currently being on different planets.

John’s having an animated conversation with Tavros about Disney movies and their troll equivalents. They a few steps away from skipping through a meadow hand in hand singing to all the deer (though apparently in Troll Snow White “sNOWEE wHYITE ddEFEATS  hER fALSELUSUS bY bARRICATING hERSELF iN tHE tINYTROLL’S hIVE wITH tHE bODIES oF sMALL hOOFBEASTS aND bRUTALLY gUNNING dOWN aLL wHO aPPROACH).

Dave’s sure the kiddies love that.

Of course, where Tavros is, the clown has to be close by. Dave catches a glimpse of deep purple text and feels his muscles tense, even though it’s only a “hEy brOsIpLeS :o)”. Dave literally doesn’t even know what he’s trying to say. He’s not sure if he really wants to.

Nepeta’s pouncing on people left and right, actions enclosed in asterisks and faroff and distant with cat puns. He never got to know her; she was dead when he reached the meteor, but something about the way she’s sweetening Equius up makes him smile. He remembers Equius a little, mostly from Brodirk’s stories of ARquius. He always sounded like kind of a racist asshole who was interested in horses in an even weirder way than Dirkbro, if that’s even possible. Now, dude seems like less of a racist asshole, though he’s as neurotic and generally fucking weird as ever.

That guy whose picture John once spent a long long night trying to convince him to photoshop on the forever alone guy is lurking in a really awkward manner, totally ignored by his sea princess girlfriend (or whoever she is), who’s talking to the guy with the 3d glasses shades and the stupid lisp. Dave wonders if he still has that stupid purple hipster stripe in his hair like he did in the pictures John spammed him with.

A burst of green smilies and exclamation points fills his field of vision, sharp and jarring, and Dave’s breath catches in his throat.

Jade’s talking to the dead robot troll, both of them sincere enough to choke a puppet like the most earnest of coarse Kermit dicks and somehow thinking of puppet dicks with Jade’s text in front of his face makes him feel like a perv, he’s not sure why.

He scrolls back to the beginning of the memo, their colors blurring into a MS paint palette of colors, familiar and strangely safe. It doesn’t matter that he barely knew half of them, that the other half were the best (and only) friends he had. That they still are the only (and best) friends he’s ever had.

They still feel more like home than this shitty apartment, then this haze of lights around him and this dusty orange glow at the horizons, emanating from the buildings like dust from the streets, then the blue-yellow glow from Fern’s skylight and the slightly limp cactus plant in a terracota pot next to him.

His heart swells with something painful and pleasant that he can’t name, like when Terezi would bite sharply at his shoulders.

\--turntechGodhead **[TG]** responded to FRUITY RUMPUS CHUMPASS MANUFACTURING PLANT at 9:47

**TG: sup**

No one answers for a couple of seconds. Awkward radio silence, Dave is the estranged uncle who shows up at Christmas dinner.

GC: 1F YOUR BLOOD W4S NOT SO FRUITY AND CH3RRY SUCK3R D3L1C1OUS 1 WOULD P3RSON4LLY S33 TO 1T TH4T YOU WOULD H4NG, COOLK1D

**TG: well sorry tz for havin a life and you know**

**TG: wanting to make decisions like a fucking adult**

GC: YOU M4KE STUP1D D3C1SIONS SO W4 PR4T4ND YOU DONT M4K3 4NY 4T 4LL

GC: 1F YOU T4KE ON3 ST3P OFF TH4T PL4N3T 1 SW34W TO GOG YOU 1D1OT1C N3RD

GC: 1 W1LL G3T OUT MY NOOS3

CG: TEREZI I TOLD YOU TO NOT SAY ANYTHING

CG: DAMNIT YOU SHITFUCKER CAN’T YOU FUCKING LET IT BE FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS

CG: I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NOT GET ON HIS STUPID ASS ABOUT IT

AG: i thought you said you and karkat weren’t waxing 8lack right now terezi :::;)

CG: AND DID I ASK YOU TO SAY ANYTHING, VRISKA?

CG: DID I ASK YOU TO GET INVOLVED?

CG: FUCK NO

CG: BECAUSE I’M NOT AN IDIOT

CG: SO DON’T GET INVOLVED THANK YOU VERY MUCH HERE’S A FUCKING PINK RIBBONY BASKET OF CHOCOGRUBCHIP COOKIES

CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF

\-- turntechGodhead **[TG]** began pestering carcinoGenticist [CG] –

**TG: dude calm down i dont need you to defend my purity or anything**

**TG: dont whip out your pistols yet**

**TG: duelings illegal nowadays gentlemen**

**TG: yet i shall die for honor**

**TG: we meet at sunrise**

**TG: no**

CG: YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT

**TG: can you please just shut the fuck up youre rattling the hummel figurines on the antique cabinet ok**

**TG: you have to keep your voice low or else youll wilt the cucumber sandwiches**

**TG: were trying to have a nice little reunion party**

**TG: and youre ruining it**

CG: FINE

**TG: thanks bro**

CG: I’M STILL PRETTY PISSED AT YOU OKAY

**TG: yeah i know**

CG: THE FEELINGS JAM IS STILL ON YOU BETTER BE THERE

**TG: yeah i will**

CG: I’M HAVING JOHN WATCH YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T SKIP OUT

**TG: what**

**TG: no**

**TG: karkat**

CG: DON’T WHINE AT ME

**TG: wait can john literally see me right now??**

CG: WHY? DO YOU NEED TO SLIP INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE? ARE YOU IN YOUR FUCKING RED LACY NEGLIGEE OR SOMETHING STRIDER? GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF. GET BACK TO THE MEMO. NOW.

**TG: but can he see me right now???**

CG: I’M NOT TELLING YOU

CG: OF COURSE I INSTALLED CAMERAS IN YOUR APARTMENT AND SHIT

CG: THAT WOULD BE BEHAVIOR TYPICAL OF A BRO RIGHT

**TG: youre being sarcastic??**

CG: YES I AM BEING SARCASTIC JEGUS SHITTING CHRIST

**TG: its hard to tell with you**

**TG: everytime you reach a line you dont just pass it you do an acrobatic series of handflips and stick the landing and then are jocularly embraced by your stolid russian gymnastics coach**

**TG: and then you give bitchfaces to the other gymnasts while you await your gold**

**TG: climb up there on that podium all four feet of you**

**TG: hey you could be a great gymnast youre so tiny**

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY AND DOUBLE BACKFLIP YOUR CLUMSYASS UNDERAGE TROLL OLYMPIC COMPETITOR SELF TO THAT MEMO

**TG: whatever you say sir**

\-- turntechGodhead **[TG]** has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] –

 

It’s almost one in the morning when the “FRU1TY TOOTHSO4P P4CK4G1NG P4RTY” as Terezi dubs it, breaks up (or more accurately, devolves into a future Karkat shooing everyone away to get “THEIR BEAUTY SLEEP BECAUSE IF ALL OF YOU ARE STUMBLING AROUND TOMORROW WITH STUPID LOOKS ON YOUR FACES YOU’RE GOING TO BLAME ME AND I’M GOING TO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ALL YOU BULGESQUEEZERS STUMBLING INTO WALLS LIKE DRUNKEN HOOFBEASTS).

Karkat’s pestering him before Dave can even close the memo, and John sends him a few messages about how “if you don’t show up to your and karkat’s brodate i’m going to tell rose, heheh,” and “blahblahblah you guys have the cutest moiralliance,” and “it is just a moiralliance right?” and “omg does karkat tell you all his deepest darkest secrets” and all the kind of stupid endearing Egbert bullshit.

He wouldn’t admit (he would never admit, he hopes Fern isn’t watching, he hopes Karkat hasn’t made Sollux hack into his iShades, he hopes his fucking cacti is looking away) that he relaxes into the concrete of roof, the warm squiggles of tar that crisscross it, tucking his hands underneath his thighs and sinks into the worn softness of his t-shirt. He wouldn’t admit he feels cold in spite of the sweat catching in his hairline, wishing for the feel of Karkat’s horns knocking against his ribs the way they would when they’d have long talks in the stupid fucking horn pile that Karkat swore was so comfortable.

He wished, and felt wrong for wishing, for John’s hands, warm and dry and rough where the handle of his hammer had once rubbed blisters, and lacing the fingers of one hand through the other didn’t help because his calluses were in different places and his fingers weren’t quick and curious and unexpected.

Karkat doesn’t talk about playing the game again. Dave’s grateful but it makes the outcome seem inevitable.

He’s going to play.

 

The stairs down to his apartment feel brittle under his feet, they creak and give under the soles of his sneakers.

Dirk(bro)’s hunched over the kitchen table, headphones on and shades replaced by a pair of crooked shitty wire-rimmed glasses. He’s peering owlishly at what looks to Dave like a mess of metal bits and circuitboards. He doesn’t look up as Dave walks in and locks the door behind him. Dave wonders if Bro(dirk) would hug him if he asked.

He doesn’t ask, of course. That would be stupid, lame, and he’s pretty sure the dude would suck at hugging people. He’s too intense. Without a happy medium between punching and making out, probably.

Making out. What.

Dave absconds to his room without digging around in cabinet for some Doritos like he’d originally intended. With Bro, the intensity was cool. With him—

Dave wasn’t going to think about that. He wasn’t going to go there.

Oh hell fucking no.

His blankets smell kind of weird, but it’s comforting. He covers his head with a fuzzy My Little Pony one (goddamnit) and listens to his breathing slow and relax, a ballad instead of dubstep, he thinks, getting fuckin’ poetic up in here, take that Lalonde—

EB: hey dave!

EB: so

EB: um

EB: how did your psychiatrist session with karkat go??

**TG: its not a psychiatrist session jegus**

**TG: its two bros**

**TG: sharing all their deepest feelings ok**

EB: i know! i was just joking with you :D

**TG: well im sure generations of shitty comedians would be proud of that joke**

**TG: hahaha i shall insinuate that dave has mental problems that only karkat can solve!!**

**TG: hahaha my pranksters gambit shall grow and prosper under my enlightened care**

**TG: its the evilest thing i can imagine**

EB: you’re so cute and dumb

**TG: thanks bro**

EB: you’re welcome

**TG:...**

**TG: are you still there??**

**TG: helloo dude**

EB: um

**TG: um what**

EB: wait a second! i’m still trying to type!

**TG: ok**

**TG: what informative paragraphs are you winging my way**

**TG: im ready**

EB: no paragraphs!

EB: i just wanted to ask

EB: um

**TG: oh**

EB: yeah

**TG: i dunno i havent talked to her**

EB: well did you and karkat talk about it??

**TG: no**

**TG: i mean he said it was stupid at one point**

**TG: i think thats all he had to say**

EB: he was supposed to talk you out of it!!!

EB: you listen to him!!

**TG: what**

**TG: so apparently karkat is supposed to be my life coach/mom??**

**TG: man i missed that memo**

**TG: why does anyone think that dudes like my personal advisor or something**

**TG: his favorite movie is like**

**TG: troll love actually**

**TG: do you seriously think i take his advice on anything**

EB: well hes like your best friend

**TG: yeah**

EB: yeah so you listen to him more than me

**TG: well youre my best bro so**

EB: same thing??

**TG: no its different**

EB: i didn’t know that

**TG: well im schooling you in brohood**

**TG: right here right now**

**TG: run across the prairie**

**TG: reach that one room schoolhouse**

**TG: fistbumps some prairie dogs yeah theyre the shit**

**TG: k kids time for a spelling bee**

**TG: aw yeah man gonna be ballin**

EB: now spell “biznasty!”

**TG: B-I-Z-N-A-S-T-E-E**

**TG: thats for extra biznasty**

**TG: you cant beat me in a spelling bee bro**

**TG: im simply the best there is**

EB: oh wow here you get this great big blue ribbon and stuff!!

EB: show your swag off to your fellow pupils fuck is on your biscuit!

**TG: no nicki**

EB: whyyy

**TG: no nicki ok**

EB: but nicki is the best!

EB: you havent forgiven her for starships yet have you

**TG: never**

EB: starshiiips were meant to flllly

**TG: no shut up i hate that song**

EB: hands upppp and touch the skkkky

**TG: im not listening**

EB: can’t stop cause we’re so hiiiiiiiigh

**TG: im so fucking done with this planet**

EB: oh

EB: sorry

**TG: im just kidding**

**TG: nickis my homegirl**

EB: oh

EB: just

EB: you said, yknow

**TG: you think im going to leave because of goddamn starships**

EB: no!!! that would be stupid

EB: um. are you going to??

**TG: i dont know man**

**TG: anyway im sorry im really tired**

**TG: and brodirks probably going to be banging around with his robots early in the morning since hes home right now**

**TG: like can we talk in the morning bro?**

EB: yeah, sure

EB: heheheh banging around

**TG: you have a filthy mind egbert**

**TG: what would your dad say**

EB: i will never be worthy of the fedora

**TG: yeah you will**

**TG: and youll rock it dude**

**TG: like youll rock the mustache**

**TG: haha**

EB: i am a sexy beast okay!

EB: i know you think so

**TG: duh**

**TG: youre all attractive and shit**

**TG: your muscular arms around me dude**

**TG: what a sweet thought to carry me into dreamland**

EB: well you’re giving me nothing dave

EB: you’re a little on the scrawny side xp

**TG: youre such a shit**

**TG: my abs are smokin ok**

EB: heheheh

**TG: youre such a weirdo**

EB: go to bed dave you’re grumpy

**TG: fine**

EB: you missed your nap, didn’t you?

EB: awww, did you lost your favorite blankie??

**TG: im sleepin right now bro**

**TG: peaceful as fuck**

**TG: like an adult**

EB: whatever you say :DD

**TG: what is that like**

**TG: do you have two mouths**

EB: i thought you said you were sleeping

**TG: i am**

EB: well continue doing that

**TG: check sir**

**TG: gonna be all bright eyed and rosy cheeked at reveille tomorrow**

**TG: bed so tight you could bounce a quarter off it**

**TG: oh wait thats my ass**

EB: go to bed dave!!

EB: goodnight already, geez!

**TG: gnight bro**

**TG: ill go before you whip out your copy of goodnight moon**

Dave hesitates, too conscious to type what he wants to type, like he’s been repeating the same word over and over again until its rhythms are gone and its meaning is obsolete. He thinks of the start of their conversation, John dancing around the question, and feel like he doesn't deserve to say it.

And then blue text pops up,

EB: love you

And it doesn't even need a second thought. 

**TG: love you too**

\-- turntechGodhead **[TG]** has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EG] --

                  

He kicks off his blanket and sprawls out, mattress creaking, staring at the ceiling. Dirkbro’s clinking and clanking away at something in the other room, and if Dave closes his eyes he can find a beat in it.

He falls asleep with his glasses on and something strange, presence in lack of presence, in his chest. 


	3. close my eyes and feel the crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stares out the window over the sink, ranch dressing bottle in one hand, cardboard box of several-day-old pizza in the other. A black crow’s perched on the windowsill of the apartment across from them, a girl in a red tank top and untied black high-tops amble down the street with earbuds in. He waits to feel the sense of rightness, of home, of belonging, run through his veins like cold water on a hot day, but—
> 
> It doesn’t. And he knows what that felt like, what it would feel like, if he concentrates he can still scrape it from his bones. He felt it when he first stood on the highest point of LOHAC he could find and the heat rose from the lava and gripped his skin like hands, when he’d been seared and burnt to the ribs by licks of green fire and raised up, when he’d be bent over laughing with Karkat in the common room and hear the click click of Kanaya’s needle on her thimble and hear Rose’s soft voice reading aloud and watch Terezi and the Mayor drawing elaborate chalk worlds, like when he’d gone to visit John’s house and had woken up with John’s face pressed into the back of his neck and sun streaming through John’s bedroom window and the sound of John’s dad downstairs in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished this! My first finished fic in a really long time yay so fab.  
> I am seriously sorry for this though SO MUCH ANGST DAVE STRIDER PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.

Dave doesn’t wake up to the sound of Dirk’s robots. He wakes up the claustrophobic hum of the refrigerator. It’s almost ten-thirty, and he would’ve rolled over and gone right back to sleep if the bridge of his iShades hadn’t been pressing into the corner of his eye.

He wiggles himself into some semblance of a sitting position and slides the unholy-Apple-product-and-aviator-blend off his face.

They tilt to the side, frames bent, and Dave scowls at the reflection of his face, mouth slack and eyes droopy with sleep, in the lenses. He tries to bend them into shape, but they give too easily under the pressure and he’s not sure how much they can take without breaking.

“Fuck,” Dave groans, folding them up and hooking them on the neckline of his shirt.

“Fuck,” he says again, sinking back into his blankets. Dirk could probably fix them, glasses, metally robot shit, same thing, right, is it still hot outside, is there a spaceship flying towards the roof of the apartment.

His head swims with so many things that he almost turns over and goes back to sleep. He probably would’ve, if he hadn’t done a particularly sluggish youth roll onto a particularly spiny cactus.

He jumps and almost falls right off the bed; pretty sure he’s going to have to pick needles out of his back.

The terracotta pot is tipped over, dirt spilled on his sheets. The cactus, fuck the stupid prickly thing, lays there perfectly innocent.

“Fuck you,” Dave says, gathers his blanket around his shoulders and shuffles into the bathroom.

 

Dirk’s not in the apartment, but the car keys are still sitting in the ironic homemade clay dish shittily handpainted with hearts and clock gears preschool style.

Fuck that dude, seriously. How did he even think of this shit?

Dave rummages in the fridge for a Mountain Dew, citrusy sugarbomb version, and heads for the roof.

 

The sky’s pale grey and smoggy and Dirk’s split lip is the most colorful thing in Dave’s field of vision.

The robot’s about the same size as Dirk, built small and quick, with orange billiard balls for eyes and heavy rage in every line of its movements. Dirk’s mouth is set and his too-large tanktop is half-slipping off his shoulders, ripped and dark with sweat.

Dave watches as they grapple, metal and raw skin, and then Dirk twists his arms and flings the robot over his back.

It makes a smashing clanging sound as it hits the ground, and Dirk immediately pins its wrists, kicking it in the chest over and over again.

He’s breathing hard, vicious and sharp with every crinkle of metal, back bowed as if he’s been at this for a century. With a loud pop, something cracks in the robot’s ribcage, sending a shower of gold and red sparks onto the concrete. The robot still weakly twists and strains trying to free its wrists, but Dirk brings a foot down on each arm. They snap and crack and bend at odd angles, and then Dirk reaches a hand into the space between the two loose metal plates under the robot’s sternum, quick but purposeful.

He yanks, his whole body thrown back with the effort. There’s a snap of wires and a greenish flicker, and Dirk raises it above his head, the robot’s pulsing uranium heart of circuitboards and homemade batteries, sparks dripping green and red and gold down his arm.

Dave stands there, and he’s glad he’s wearing his shades because he’s staring, something hot rising through his stomach and closing a hand around his throat and stinging behind his eyes. There’s two more robots lined up behind Dirk, necks limp and eyes lifeless, waiting.

Dave balls his hands into fists, loosens them, and balls them up again. He feels the strength in his arms, remembers how it felt to hold a sword.

Dirk’s still breathing heavily, but it’s labored in a way Dave’s used to, the way he breathes after he runs or hauls groceries up the stairs two steps at a time. It’s loud but soft, his chest moving up and down loosely.

He smiles, a stoic one-corner-of-the-mouth-turned-up type thing, which. Dave wouldn’t expect anything else from the dude.

“You want to fight one?” He says. The voice that sounds like it learned to speak English through characters on the TV. Measured and even, the Texas twang he sometimes tried to adopt gone, his shades slipped down his nose far enough that Dave could see the flash of color of his eyes.

Dave doesn’t even have to think twice. It’s as instinctive as typing “I love you too.”

“Hell fucking yes.”

 

When Dave looks into the robot’s eyes, pinned metal-hot and solid underneath him, as it squirms underneath his hands and weight, its billiard ball eyes are brilliant brilliant blue.

Dave can’t look away. The rage in his chest dissipates, replaced by something heavier. He’d felt light and powerful while he’d been fighting; now he feels like he swallowed concrete.

“What’s wrong?” Dirk says, lazy drawl, but Dave can’t muster up any urge to punch him, to scream fucking asshole and kick the goddamn robot at him and stomp down the stairs.

Dave can’t talk, can feel the press of the rivets in the robots leg against his knee, and those dark deep billiard ball eyes, unnaturally shiny, rotate slowly towards him.

“You have to disconnect that battery. I didn’t program any of these to do that by themselves, so you have to do it,” he says, slow and patient, but Dave can’t.

“I don’t care,” Dave says. “Just let him go, flip his switch or something.”

“I programmed them,” Dirk says, still patient, “to fight to the death. Once you set them to start fighting, they’ll fight until you rip out their goddamn battery.”

Dave stares at the robot, trying to find reasons that the odd slow tracking of its eyes is so unlike a human stare.

“Do you need me to do it?”

“No!” Dave snaps, but Dirk is already looking over his shoulder.

“I don’t understand everyone's propensity for intense eye contact,” he mutters, following Dave’s line of vision. “Dude. Just look away and do it.”

“I’m trying, okay?”

“There is no try,” Dirk says, smirking a little. “You’re creeped out by it, aren’t you?”

“What? No.”

“Yeah, you are,” he says, stepping back. “His eyes are the same color as Jane’s kid’s, right?”

“John,” Dave snaps.

“Yeah,” Dirk says, sounding like he’s a little weirded out by the whole concept, too. “Well, I didn’t mean for them to be. I just took what I had.”

The other robot’s eyes are deep emerald green.

“Sure,” Dave says. “Pass me that sword, would ya?”

It’s heavy in his hands, wrists aching, and he raises it above his head and brings it down on the robot’s thin twisting neck.

 

EB: i know that today you have to decide

EB: and i just wanted to say

EB: well okay, i don’t really know what to say!

EB: i know that rose is

EB: or was

EB: i don’t know what to say now anyway

EB: she was the seer

EB: but i can tell that if you go you’re not going to come back

EB: i don’t really know how, but it’s not just like worrying, or anything

EB: it’s just something i know!

EB: i always kinda thought i would have forever to say everything i want to say to you

 

“I was thinkin’ Chinese again?” Dirk says while they try to squeeze through the doorway at the same door. Dirk steps back to let Dave in first.

“Um, I dunno, I was gonna just go get some McDonalds. I told someone I’d meet them there or somethin’,” Dave mumbles.

Dirk shrugs. “Okay. Have fun, use condoms, whatever. I’m gonna finish this program, but if you need anything just call.”

They both retreat to their rooms, and Dave thinks that in some version of the universe there was a Dirk who cared for Dave from infancy and gave him some kind of ironic, spottily enforced form of a curfew and harassed him about John and Rose and Jade in a way that was half an excuse to know their names, where they lived, what they liked. He’d gone down to the post office and bought the box for John’s birthday present. This version isn’t that. This version is only three years older than Dave, likes robots, never touched another human being until he was sixteen.

About half-an-hour later, Dave hears the front door slam shut. He flashsteps into the kitchen to raid the fridge and on the way sees that the car keys aren’t in the dish anymore.

 

EB: well not forever

EB: but like our whole lives

EB: because even when we got back from the game

EB: i knew we’d always be like this

EB: you and me

EB: and rose and jade

EB: and the trolls!

EB: and even jane and roxy and dirk and stuff

Eb: and callie

EB: no matter what happened

EB: we’d be like family

EB: there’s so much stuff i want to tell you dave!

EB: stupid stuff!

EB: like about mustaches and whether chipotles burrito is better than the ones from that shitty mexican place that’s at the top of your street that you’re always talking about

EB: and ronald mcdonald

EB: hahaha remember when you came to stay at my house and my dad taped pictures of him in all of the windows??

EB: and you woke up and screamed and jumped into my sleeping bag??

EB: oh wow you looked hilarious!!!

EB: that was the best

EB: and dumb movies and your dumb shitty comic!

EB: and stuff like

EB: like less stupid stuff

 

He stares out the window over the sink, ranch dressing bottle in one hand, cardboard box of several-day-old pizza in the other. A black crow’s perched on the windowsill of the apartment across from them, a girl in a red tank top and untied black high-tops amble down the street with earbuds in. He waits to feel the sense of rightness, of home, of belonging, run through his veins like cold water on a hot day, but—

It doesn’t. And he knows what that felt like, what it would feel like, if he concentrates he can still scrape it from his bones. He felt it when he first stood on the highest point of LOHAC he could find and the heat rose from the lava and gripped his skin like hands, when he’d been seared and burnt to the ribs by licks of green fire and raised up, when he’d be bent over laughing with Karkat in the common room and hear the click click of Kanaya’s needle on her thimble and hear Rose’s soft voice reading aloud and watch Terezi and the Mayor drawing elaborate chalk worlds, like when he’d gone to visit John’s house and had woken up with John’s face pressed into the back of his neck and sun streaming through John’s bedroom window and the sound of John’s dad downstairs in the kitchen.

He doesn’t feel it now, and he can’t remember ever feeling it here. He can’t imagine finding a way to feel it again. But he remembers standing over the sword in the stone, and feeling it come loose into his hands, and that feeling.

It was like he could conquer the world.

The crow, with an ear-piercingly obnoxious squawk, flaps its wings a few times before flitting away.

           

            EB: i don’t know maybe it’s still pretty stupid

EB: but when i have nightmares about the game again and we talk really late

EB: or remember that first time when we couldn’t get ahold of jade???

EB: when she first went on one of her trips?

EB: and we were all so worried

EB: and rose wouldn’t come online at all and tried to research all the places she could’ve gone and had roxy hack her computer

EB: but we just had to wait

EB: and me and you stayed up all night talking

EB: and then it was like seven o clock

EB: and you called me

EB: and we just sat there and neither of us even said anything

EB: but we didn’t need to

EB: i’m not trying to make you feel guilty!

EB: like i know that you aren’t happy here

EB: but i guess i don’t really know what will help

EB: i don’t know

EB: it’s all really confusing 

EB: and i’m kind of freaked out!

 

He settles down sitting up in bed, AC’s hard black text pressing into the back of his head like the wood frame of the headboard. He reads those first.

AC: Today is the third day.

AC: Ii am expecting a concrete decision.

AC: We should arrive around dusk

It’s all very too-the-point. That’s pretty much what he expects from her. Businesslike and shit, in her pencil skirt or Hillary Clinton pantsuit or whatever. No fruity flowery broad perfume for her. Just gotta march right into that Senate, tell ‘em they’re a bunch of horsefucking dumbasses or whatever. The thought of some kind of weird alien marching into the Senate dressed in a pink tweed dress like some kind of nightmare Dolores Umbridge and telling off a bunch of old white dudes in suits makes him snort. For a second his chest feels light again, the fact that he’s going to play the game again is not a terrifying inevitability but a fact of life, and when did the fact that he was going to play the game again become a terrifying inevitability and not a choice?

For a second blind terror rises in his chest, but it can’t hold, like the sharp almost-there of pleasure once he takes his hand off his dick. It’s replaced by something duller, something he’s used to, rage, or the aftereffects of adrenaline, or helplessness, or fear.

She’s still online, but Dave doesn’t answer yet. He has some messages from John, and the thoughts of her sitting in front of her computer tapping her finger (claw) on her desk waiting for him to answer is kind of funny.

John had started pestering him at like six in the morning, and Dave must’ve been pretty out of it for that to not wake him up.

EB: i know that today you have to decide

 

EB: because

EB: don’t freak out oh my god this sounds so weird

EB: like you’re my best friend, but you’re also like

EB: more than that???

EB: in a bunch of movies where they’re best friends suddenly the one person realizes that they actually want to make out with their best friend on the lips. so then they make out on the lips and maybe do the full sex and they’re dating.

EB: but i don’t know i kind of feel different than that

EB: like don’t freak out but you’re really cute and hot and stuff and i’d totally kiss you like on the lips serious yes homo and stuff!!

EB: but also it’s more like

EB: i just really really love talking to you!!! it’s the best and i just want to hang out with you all the time. i want to talk to your first thing in the morning and last thing at night and all of that, and hear all of your dumb metaphoric tirades about whatever dumb shit happens and all your snarky comments about romcoms and stuff.

EB: and i know that you’re going to go

EB: because you’re a strider, and striders are stubborn and also ironic but the stubborn part is the important part right now ok

EB: but i don’t want to think of you like kind of angry because you think i’m harassing you about this

EB: or i don’t know

EB: like mad or weirded out

EB: i want to think of you like last night

EB: and if you don’t go for some crazy reason than pester me first thing in the morning!! i don’t think i’ll be online til then cause i have homework and sleep and dad stuff

EB: but if you do go

EB: i hope you do awesome, i hope you find what you’re trying to find

EB: i hope you come back to me

EB: cause i love you dave

 

Dave wants to type out “oh my god john thats like the most touching poetic shit ive ever heard and like wow i kind of feel the same way??” Or “thanks man now my awkward sexuality crisis can lead to something actually awesome please date the fuck out of me” or “i dont know if theres anyone else whos like you in any universe thatll ever be made” or “gogfuckingdamnit.”

But John—Dave knows what he means. And he can’t say anything now because it’s too late, but leaving without answering would seem like rejecting him. And it feels like passing by a girl in a car with a sharp sharp smile, it feels like hugging someone at a funeral because there was nothing else to say, but he types it anyways and hopes it's enough.

**TG: i love you too**

 

Jade hasn’t replied to his pesterlogs all day, even though he knows she’s back on the internet. He sends her a goodbye message that he’s pretty sure she won’t answer back.

Karkat’s out of range but for some reason Terezi’s not, yet, maybe some kind of creepy Seer powers, who knows. She relays Karkat’s wishes of luck but doesn’t say anything about herself.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [ **TG]** began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] –

**TG: so um**

**TG: yeah i think im going**

**TG: like actually i know im going**

**TG: and i just wanted to say bye or smt i guess**

**TG: pay no attention to the man behind the curtain**

**TG: hes obviously just a shitty ex-rodeo clown**

**TG: the strippers will be out momentarily**

**TG: um yeah i know youre probably really mad at me**

**TG: jade and tz wont even talk to me**

**TG: and john**

**TG: well yeah i guess he wasnt mad persay but**

**TG: im just a tremendous asshole im just going to go now i just wanted to say thanks for putting up with my bullshit or whatever**

**TG: youre the best alien slime sister ever youre also my only alien slime sister**

**TG: but if i had two id like you better**

**TG: maybe**

**TG: oh goddamnit i am terrible at this please talk to me**

TT: I assure you I would have if you’d have let me get a word in edgewise

TT: Been attending secretarial school lately?

**TG: mostly the just teach you how to look hot in a pencil skirt and high heels**

TT: Just what I want to hear my ectobiological little brother doing

**TG: im not your little brother**

TT: We shall never know, so I choose the more mature one of our pair as the elder

**TG: fuck you**

TT: And shall you be wearing the heels during this fucking?

**TG: OH MY EYES SWEET JESUS**

TT: ;)

**TG: ahhhhhh nope**

TT: Do tell me more about how much you’ll miss me.

**TG: goddamnit lalonde im tryin to be emotional here and you ruined it**

**TG: but i am gonna miss you**

**TG: which is the sad thing here because youre a freak who would make sigmund freud wish he like burnt all his motherfucking notebooks**

**TG: literally motherfucking notebooks notebooks full of motherfucking ok**

**TG: and im gonna miss you so much i dont even know what the fuck ill do**

**TG: im going to miss you so much and jade and talking to karkat and terezi when i can**

**TG: and john**

**TG: i mean i know im the fucking worst person and i shouldnt ever talk to him again but please tell him that ill be coming back**

**TG: or tell him im gonna miss him so much that i wont be able to breath**

**TG: tell him ill go back in time and steal nic cages gross white wifebeater off him so he can rub one off on it**

TT: A charming sentiment.  
TT: Dave, I promise I’ll tell Jade and John how much you miss them

TT: I’ve talked to Jade and she isn’t not replying to your messages out of malice.

TT: She’s just trying to spare her feelings, and yours as well.

**TG: i know**

TT: As for John, I’m sure he knows all that already.

TT: And when it comes to me? Dave, I know that we enjoy verbally sparring and don’t pull our punches in general, let alone with each other.

TT: But I suppose that is how we show affection.

TT: You haven’t just been a great brother. You are a great friend.

TT: I can see where you’re coming from. More than either John or Jade can, I’m sure.

TT: Our natures are very different from theirs, and though I know that all of us have had a hard time settling down after the game, in talking to Jade and John I think that our struggles lasted longer and were more intense.

TT: I haven’t told you this, but when she approached me with her offer, I did not immediately turn her down either.

TT: In the end, it was my relationship with Kanaya that cemented my decision to turn her down. At least for now we are in the same universe, and we can talk and occasionally videochat, transportalize each other various items in order to feel closer.

TT: We’ve been working out a plan to transportalize ourselves, and go from there, but that sort of thing will take a while.

TT: Anyways, what I’m saying is, I’m not angry. I can understand what’s urging you to enter the new session.

TT: I’m wishing you the best of luck, Dave.

**TG: thanks rose**

**TG: wishing you and kanaya the best of luck too**

They don’t say “I love you” or anything. That’s not what they do. Hell, already Dave’s words seem to ring hollow after so many feelings and it’s basically weird as fuck.

**TG: bye**

And then he’s said his goodbyes, and there’s nothing else to do.

 

And he can feel it again, the eerie terrible knowledge that time is passing, time is going, and there’s nothing he can do about it and no way to make it stop, and he feels sick, like his ribcage is too small for his heart.

He both feels like he’s wasting his time scrolling through some shitty photography blog and like there’s nothing else to do because anything else, anything else required the front and back of his brain to connect and right now he feels like he has three thoughts going at once, a bassline and chattery too-high vocals, his thoughts are a mess of out-of-key bridges.

He picks absently at a piece of cold pizza drenched in ranch dressing, chewy and tough under his teeth. His gums hurt. His back hurts. His browser is running slow and laborious.

Gold streams in between the slats of the blinds, dust and fingers and a grid, quadrant, axes, rivets of inches holding together the three dimensions.

It’s almost five o clock.

 

He gets a pester message at six.

AC: Since, from past experiences, Ii have learned that you pay no attention to the location of your sun, Ii have decided to inform you that it is almost dusk.

AC: We should arrive in about half an hour, in your time.

AC: Gather your things and ascend to the roof, Dave.

\-- absentConquerer [AC] is now an idle chum! –

Why, faced with the thought of the game, with thoughts of dark feathers and glowing meteors, does he feel mostly numb? When the thought of time progressing makes him sick?

Dave is vaguely aware that this is the last time will leave his plate at his desk to pick up when it starts to smell a little weird, he barely thinks that he will not be there to pick it up.

He feels as though there’s something he should do before he goes. Maybe turn off his desktop (constantly running humming through his dreams like the splash of lava like the chatter of crocodiles like the sound that he should’ve heard on the meteor pushing aside space but in emptiness there’d been no sound at all). Maybe make his bed, shove the pile of dirty clothes sitting curled on the foot of his bed like a loyal cat into the washing machine.

For the first time, he realizes he won’t be sleeping in that bed tonight.

iShades on, note for Dirk(bro?) on the kitchen table so he won’t flip out.

The walk up the stairs is long, the weight of his backpack trying to pull him down. He tucks the cactus under his arm to hang onto the railing, leaving a trail of dirt behind him. It’s not exactly like anyone’s going to clean it up because this is the shittiest apartment complex known to man, but some of the neighbors are probably going to be pissed.

“I’m like Hansel and Gretal,” he mutters. “Leaving a trail of goddamn breadcrumbs and cactus-enriched dirt so I can find my way back to my quaint little cottage.” It’s a metaphor that is too close to home to be appropriately grandiose, too self-explanatory to expand upon, and besides, Dave is out of breath from climbing his fifth flight of stairs.

 

The roof is gold-gilded, the small wispy clouds that are all that’s left of the morning’s thick haze are pink and far away. It’s only five fifteen.

Fifteen minutes, he thinks, is more than long enough to say goodbye to this city. The buildings cluster around him like the tops of trees seen from a low airplane. The windows glow, metallic and almost human, countless constant eyes. He remembers sitting up here, when he was twelve, before the game. He remembers how it felt like all the eyes were watching him, him alone, like the world was a stage and he was standing on that stage, like they were waiting for him to do something completely fucking awesome even though he mostly just dicked around on the internet or got beaten up by Bro.

Now he knows that they’re watching everyone with the disinterest of gods, gods that don’t know that they could be cracked and broken and torn down by the might of the very empire they survey.

Fern’s skylight is open but he doesn’t hear the slosh of water inside her watering can or the shuffle of her Birkenstock on the concrete.

“It’s just you and me, bro,” he says to the cactus. It doesn’t respond, mostly because it’s a cactus, but hell, maybe it’s nervous or something.

“Goddamnit man, you’re shakin’ in your boots,” he says. “Man the fuck up. Just a little bit of blood and mayhem, y’know? Them Nazis are gonna be comin’ over the top soon, hunker down in your goddamn trench.”

Jegus Christ, the poor thing. Must be a little farm boy who’s never been away from his mama before. Wishing he could go back to the cows. Arizonian cows, cows from Arizona, or wherever it was the cactuses grew.

“Don’t worry, son,” he says. “I’m the grizzled old vet. Fought many a battle in my day. Hunker down in this here trench with me and let’s make our last moments worth living for.”

He darts a sideways glance at the cactus. He’s pretty sure it would be looking back at him awkwardly out of the corner of it’s eye, if it had eyes.

“I’m sitting here being homoerotic with a cactus,” says. “What the fuck am I doing?”

He doesn’t receive an answer.

 

\-- absentConquerer [AC] began interrogating turntechGodhead [ **TG** ] --

AC: Dave! Pay attention. Why are you wasting time speaking to that plant spiked?

**TG: its called a cactus**

AC: Ii quite frankly do not give a damn.

**TG: hahaha you said it you said the thing**

**TG: oh my god you watched gone with the wind dyin over here**

AC: It is a classic.

**TG: sry friends im dead and gone nice knowin you**

AC: This is nonsensical. Now pay attention like Ii said, because we will be arriving very soon.

AC: You will see a small ball of light passing over your roof. It will be within reach, Ii can assure you.

AC: Simply grab onto it and you will be on the ship.

AC: Is it any of that difficult for you to comprehend?

**TG: nope i got it**

AC: Good. Ii await your arrival.

\-- absentConquerer [AC] ceased interrogating turntechGodhead [ **TG]** \--

 

Suddenly Dave’s heart is pumping like he’s surrounded by a million imps and his fingers slip against his palms when he curls them into fists.

He stands up, his backpack nearly pulling him over, and leans against the railing around the edge of the roof. The ground’s very far away but he’s not scared of falling. He’s more worried that his shades are going to slide right off his face.

People are passing, back and forth, cars and friends, but Dave can’t see their faces, they’re far away like dust motes in front of an open window.

But he’s said goodbye to the city. The city’s not what’s making his pulse pound in his fingertips.

There’s a small flicker at the edge of the roof, like a falling star. Dave’s breath catches in his throat as it starts to move over Fern’s skylight, heading towards him.

Time crystallizes, narrows, he doesn’t have enough of it. He feels regretful for something, but he’s not sure what, like when he cut things down in battle. The little ball of light is over the stairwell now, coming closer and closer.

Dave leaps at it, split second calculation of its speed and his and as his feet leaves the ground he realizes that his calculations were correct, that he’s leaving.

He’s leaving the buzz of traffic below his bedroom window, he’s leaving the familiar ceiling above his bed in the morning, he’s leaving Dirkbro’s collection of orange soda that rolls out as soon as he opens the refrigerator door, he’s leaving the swing on John’s front porch, his cactus is sitting there on the concrete of the roof vaguely gold in the sun, he’s leaving the cherry tree outside Rose’s guest room window and the crappy burrito place down the street and Jade’s ancient pair of binoculars that were the perfect weight in his hands and—

His feet have left the ground. His calculations were perfect. He’s jumping forward, towards the little ball of light, and his arm is outstretched.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said wow I am sorry for this this is the crappiest ending but from here it branches off into like a million possibilities. Maybe I'll write a sequel at some point? Hey if you're a glass half-full person maybe Dirk tackles Dave before he even gets on the spaceship get up on the roof right now Dirk. Also if there are any huge errors please tell me I'm so bad with skipping words and making huge dumb unwieldy sentences.


End file.
